I have a confession to make. I haven't played a Pokemon game since Gold and Silver. I just never got around to buying a DS. Plus I was in that stage of my life where I was legal to drink, so #VideoGames on the go fell by the wayside a bit.
I've heard a lot about the series since though—the terrifying murderousness of recent Pokedex entries, the weird-ass designs that sound like the artist just looked around their office and picked an object. So I thought, why not try and draw some of the newer #Pokemon?
Watch The Horrors Created When I Try And Draw Pokemon I've Never Seen
We decided to make a game of it at the Now Loading office. Since I'd barely seen any new generation Pokemon, I wouldn't be allowed to look at their picture, or even know their names. Instead, I was challenged to draw them only from descriptions given to me by more Poke-knowledgable co-workers.
The results are... somewhat unsettling.
A cyclops's eye that was on a dust bunny and it had bat wings.
Honestly I feel pretty good about this one. For like, a 20 minute sketch I ended up with something that could probably be a Pokemon. Let's see how it stacks up against the real thing.
Not too far off honestly! I missed the mouth with the cute lil' tooth, but that wasn't in the description and I'm basically a drawing robot here. If you don't tell me not to kill I won't know not to.
It's sort of vulture-like, with black eyelashes or curled eyeliner above its eyes, a skirt made of a jaw with sharp bones, tuft of hair with bone in the middle on its head.
I felt like the focus on this Pokemon's eyeliner game being on point was a major focus of this description. Combined with the kinda saggy, wrinkly skin you get on a vulture I had this mental image of like, the kind of aging punk woman who hits on you in a dive bar in the lower east side. She's around 60, her make-up game is flawless and she definitely had sex with at least one member of the clash and will happily tell you about it.
I'm going to be honest, I could not for the life of me imagine what that skirt was supposed to look like, so I just kinda stuck with my theme! Other than that I feel like I got pretty close—the Pokemon version is basically the same punk after she's bought you four beers.
A spiky turtle with mitten hands on the front. And back feet have claw-like growths, mostly yellow with a lot of red on the edges and brown on the spikes.
I feel like this guy fits in better with Mario than Pokemon... He's got a Koopa vibe to him. Maybe he's like, King Koopa's sucky nephew that doesn't really care about stopping Mario and just wants to get an MFA in Poetry.
What the hell is that thing supposed to be? I think I improved the design frankly, I'll take Koopa's crappy nephew over whatever the hell this is any day.
A red anthropomorphic mosquito with a few black spikes that clearly skips leg day and has a long red stinger.
Skipping leg day made me think he clearly doesn't skip that upper body work. So I knew this Pokemon had to be hench as hell. I was imagining one of those Pokemon that's basically just a person with a few alterations. They're usually the ones that people wanna f**k as well, so I thought I'd make the equivalent of Gardevoire but for muscle queens.
Look I dunno if my Pokemon design is better, but he's definitely more attractive. This dude appears to literally have a spare tire around his waist. I guess the person describing him to me messed up too, because his stinger is definitely not red and they forgot to mention he has like, four legs and no feet.
This one felt like it should be a home run. I mean, it's a rhino and a bulldozer, just kinda jam the two together like you got home drunk and there's only two ingredients left in your fridge. I remember almost all the first gen Pokemon having these awful, soulless black eyes, so I tried to stick with that too.
Again, I've got to ask, what the hell is this? I guess he's got like, a castle for a face, but also like a bone through his nose primitive tribe kind of thing? There's some very mixed aesthetics going on. At least they've started giving Pokemon pupils though.
A sarcophagus with a silly ghost face and 4 wispy shadow-like ghost arms that seem to be leaking out of the crease where the cover meets the base. Two arms on each side.
There was a lot of chat after Final Fantasy XV came out about all the product placement in it. As soon as the description mentioned a silly ghost face I started thinking about my favorite ghost-based franchise, Ghostbusters. It seemed obvious to me that this Pokemon was a tie-in with the Ghostbusters reboot, getting in on that product placement money. I threw in the McDonalds and Pepsi product placement as well because you can never get too much of that sweet advertising money.
Obviously the sarcophagus is full of Slimers, it goes without saying.
My mistake, clearly it was a tie-in with the upcoming blockbuster The Mummy.
Wanna see more bizarre attempts at newer gen Pokemon? Just comment with a description and we might give it a shot!