It's the end of an era, folks. On September the 21st of 2016, Blizzard announced that it would be retiring the "Battle.net" name that has been a staple of its online games since the original Diablo released back in 1996.
I'll be honest, it makes me sad. Despite reasoning that having Battle.net and Blizzard caused "occasional confusion and inefficiencies related to having two separate identities under which everything falls," I don't think I've ever once encountered someone who who confused by the difference. To steal a thought from a coworker, Valve and Steam have no need to use a singular name, and users survive just fine.
But, hey, Blizzard wants to be a company and a brand, so who am I to stop them. Plus, it offers one of those rare opportunities where I can suggest ridiculous replacements and no one can technically tell me it's a pointless effort. And with that as my segue, here are some unparalleled alternatives that could replace the Battle.net name.
1. Blizzard Net
Look, let's get the vanilla — no pun intended — option out of the way. If Blizzard doesn't just opt to call everything "Blizzard tech," then the next most logical option is to call their services Blizzard Net.
It's a simple but effective shift, it can still be abbreviated "b.net," and it has still works in sentence without making it sound like all hell is breaking loose in Irvine. "Blizzard is down! Blizzard is down! Everyone panic!" Who wants that kind of diction on the loose?
Everyone knows it would be much clearer to say, "Blizzard Net is down! Everyone panic!"
2. Blizzard Online (BOL)
Blizzard is an "A" in my book, but sadly, "AOL" is apparently already taken. So why not take the next-best thing and be "BOL"?
I mean, you might run into some legal hurdles with this one, but as a professional writer, I feel well within the bounds of my expertise when I say, "It'll probably all work out fine."
Go for it, Blizz. You know you want to.
3. The Blizzarnet
What's the difference between this and number 1? Portmanteuas, people, they're everything. Oh, and putting the word "The" in front of things. If Blizzard wants to be cool, they'll surely get on board with taking "Blizzard Net" to the next level.
This is the way to do that.
"World of Blizzard" is just a little too obvious. "BlizzWorld" would be a way to pay homage to the MMO that continues to make waves in the gaming world while also sounding like an amusement park.
Seriously, who's ever going to be mad at offline services if they have to take their anger out on BlizzWorld, the happiest place on the net? No one, that's who.
Just, you know, try to stick with theme park imagery and forget that Westworld is a thing.
5. Blizzard's Net of Battle
See, it's a joke because– never mind, you probably got it.
This one won't ever happen but it's fun to dream, right? Maybe as an homage to my brilliant idea, Blizzard can implement an arena or battleground in one of its games that takes place on a literal net and call it the "Net of Battle." That would totally work!
You're welcome, Blizz.
I mean... it's the name that offers the second-least amount of upheaval over the old one. It doesn't entirely make sense, but I'm still a bit baffled by the name change in the first place, so why not?