ByNicholas Montegriffo, writer at
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Nicholas Montegriffo

Now, being a loverman and gamer of surpassing skill and expertise, I get a lot of ladies coming over my to desk and trying to distract me from my Starcraft micro by smothering me with their quivering, dessert-like torso protrusions.

Yeah, it's a drag. But those of you who don't have this problem might sometimes wonder what it's like to experience some kind of mammarian contact. Well wonder no more, friends, because according to a bizarre segment on 's latest Direct, the HD Rumble will bring realistic boob-fondling to the .

Apparently, HD Rumble Can Simulate The Softness Of Boobs

[Credit: Nintendo]
[Credit: Nintendo]

You heard that right, kids. HD Rumble is a gimmick for the Nintendo Switch, a haptic feedback system that promises more subtle sensations than the typical blunt vibration of existing force-feedback engines. The HD Rumble can simulate even the feeling of liquid pouring into a glass in your hand. All that and, uh, much more, apparently.

[Credit: Nintendo]
[Credit: Nintendo]

That grope-y fellow up there is Kenichiro Takaki, announcing that Marvelous' Senran Kagura franchise, a video game series about ninja schoolgirls, will be coming to the Switch. What features from his game is he most proud to showcase, do you think? A deep combat system? Entertaining mini-games? An engaging story, perhaps?

Riiiight. Takaki, in an officially sanctioned Nintendo show, decides instead to fantasize about how the HD Rumble will allow players to experience an aspect of Senran Kagura that was not possible before.

Working Hard In The Boob Research Institute

How will they ensure a realistic classroom molestation experience? No expense has been spared in scientific research, according to the video:

[Credit: Nintendo]
[Credit: Nintendo]

Sooo, breasts are basically the same as a Spanish dessert? I'm sure that Senran Kagura has a masterful backstory to explain this. Maybe all the girls are part pudding.

[Credit: Nintendo]
[Credit: Nintendo]

Hate to break it to you Takaki, but it really looks like you're fondling something else in this one. Still, if we're going to be copping a feel on video game characters's jiggly bits, might as well be equal gender opportunity.

[Credit: Nintendo]
[Credit: Nintendo]

Dat flan, tho. While it does work up an appetite, something about Mr. Takaki's focus on desserts and water balloons makes me question the breadth of his real-life experience with women.

Check out the full length video of the presentation below:

Although the presentation is in Japanese, here's a translation courtesy of Bioe, a kind redditor:

Hello everyone, I'm Takaki from Marvelous.

Right now we are developing a game for the nintendo switch called Senran Kagura - Shinobi refresh -

This is a visual for the game in development.

In the classroom after school, as asuka is holding your hands, we understand some people may think "I want to feel her breasts"

I have my eye out for a particular feature for the nintendo switch and that is the HD vibration feature.

With this feature I believe that people can expect to experience the senran kagura series in a way they wanted to experience it but couldn't before.

We are currently experimenting to further evolve the hd vibration feature to achieve this

If things go well, the game may be able to go into distribution by 2017.

creepy groping hands

I have to say, it seems pretty weird to see this turn up on an official Nintendo Direct, given its typical family-friendly attitude (although it can be quite suggestive at times). This seems more like something that the hologram girlfriend people at Vinclu would be interested in.

Nintendo's previous marketing campaigns for the Switch have been keen to feature the console being used in family contexts, or out on the go in public. It's hard to imagine many gamers being bold enough to proudly boob-fondle in these situations.

Lewd games have always been around since the industry's inception, so it's not surprising to see them today. Some are good. Some are bad. Some are just weird. But is this classroom-groping capability really a good direction to go in for the Nintendo Switch?

What do you think? Is designing games to let you grope breasts on the Switch going too far?


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