"Anyway, how is your sex life?"
This may seem like the worst opening to an article ever, but anyone who's seen The Room will know that it's a perfectly viable segue! And it's just one of a slew of nonsensical one-liners we could toss out to herald our undying love for this irreverent cult-classic written by, directed by, produced by, and starring the inimitable Tommy Wiseau.
But there must be more ways to celebrate this exquisite piece of modern cinema than by simply watching it, quoting it, gifing it, attending midnight showings of it, throwing spoons at it, and generally devoting one's entire life to it, yes?
WELL! Thanks to a team of three talented game designers, artists, and musicians, you can now live it. Well. In video game form, that is.
Yes, in case you didn't know, there is actually a video game version of The Room. The flash game was first released on Newgrounds (been a while since you heard that one, eh?) back in September of 2010, but considering how many The Room and Tommy Wiseau fans still don't know about this beautiful piece of video game art, it seemed like as good a time as ever during this month of its sixth anniversary to revisit, relive, and re-fall-in-love with this game that can only be likened to "sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off."
For more video games based on movies:
- 10 Movie Tie-In Games That Are... Actually Damn Good Games!
- Every Gory Detail You Need To Know About 'Friday 13th: The Game'
- The Unofficial Disney Games That Twisted Your Favorite Childhood Movies
The Room Tribute: Flash Gaming at Its Finest
The Room Tribute is a flash adventure game that puts you in control of the enigmatic Johnny as he goes to work, makes love with the (so beautiful) Lisa, buys flowers, pets doggies, plays football, battles Chris-R, and ultimately gets betrayed by and stabbed in the back by (everyone) the love of his life.
Never before have I been so thankful for things going out of control.
The game begins as Johnny emerges from his place of employment at the Bank of San Francisco to feel the shudderings of an earthquake. Hip as ever, his best friend Mark shows up in a hot pink ride to comment on the earthquake (as well as the bridge collapsing right behind him?!). Who else would then show up but Lisa's mother Claudette, who, in non-sequiturial style completely befitting of The Room, segues the conversation about the earthquake into Johnny needing to provide for Lisa and buying her a red dress (of course).
One of my favorite things about this game are the interactions and events that take place outside of the movie timeline (and are made up by the game's creators), but that are so in-character, you'd think they were actual quotes from the movie. The writing is pretty much spot on.
From there, you're given control of Johnny, which means you get to wander around the streets of The Room's version of San Francisco, visiting all your favorite locations from the movie, like the alley, the flower shop, and the cafe. You can also visit a number of other places... like Denny's closet-sized room complete with a bucket of urine and pictures of Lisa and her mother covering the walls, Mark's "Love Shack," where you can find him making out with Lisa's mom in a hot tub, and extra stores like a boutique and an electronics shop (so you can "record everything").
Along the way, you're given new missions to complete (they pop up in the bottom-left corner), and new hidden spoons of all shapes, sizes, varieties, and themes to find (ten in all!). Oh, and every new day, you're treated to this money shot:
If that doesn't ignite a flame in your loins, I'd get yourself checked... quick.
You can also take a peep at Denny's personal diary, which has a new entry every day. Lament as the poor boy lusts after Lisa in her red dress, and get enraged as he complains about Mark—Mark!!—not paying him back the weed money he owes Chris R.
Possibly one of the most hilarious moments of the game comes in the form of an RPG turn-based face-off between "Best Friends" Johnny and Mark and evil drug dealer (and musclehead) Chris R. Your possible moves comprise throwing a well-timed football or bottle, taunting (cheep cheep cheep!), or Mark's over-embellished "glamour" skill.
Don't forget to take that rascally rapscallion to the police station afterwards!
The game continues on following the rest of the movie's plot, but with little snippets of Johnny's life we weren't privy to on-screen, such as Claudette asking Johnny to loan her friend some money (and the introduction of Johnny's rage meter), Johnny taking Denny out for cheesecake, Johnny making sandwiches for Mark and Peter, finding out the big new client at the bank is none other than the greatest writer-director-producer-star ever, Tommy Wiseau (but shhh, it's confidential!), and Chris R stealing Johnny's car (and killing Peter in the process).
Everything culminates in a Hulk-like TV-smashing, wall-smashing rampage after Lisa leaves Johnny. While you can settle for just throwing the TV out the window like Johnny does in the movie, it's much more fun to continue your rampage outside the apartment.
You'll be rewarded with all kinds of goodies such as Denny's hidden camera room, and you'll even be able to kill your boss and Chris R (which prompts a rain shower of blood).
If you've seen the movie, though, you know how it all ends...
...or do you.
This game may be nothing more than a little time-waster of a flash game, but it's probably one of the most entertaining little time-wasters of a flash game I've ever played. Not only that, the time the development trio had to have put in this is evident in its every aspect. The pixelated graphics and animations are gorgeous, the music is epic, the writing is hilarious, and the "behind-the-scenes" atmosphere to the whole thing makes you feel like you're truly stepping into the world of The Room. Not that, you know, that was ever a world you really wanted to step into...
You can play the game yourself here on Newgrounds (though young eyes might need to be covered during Johnny's rather revealing shower scenes every morning), where you'll even have the chance to collect achievements (can you smash everything, record everything, and read everything?!) along the way.
If you're a fan of The Room, or just a fan of well-made flash games, you'll want to give this gem a try. Maybe this weekend! But then again, you shouldn't plan too much. It may not come out right.