Fans were delighted when they were given their first glimpse of Alola, the region of the world where #PokemonSunMoon takes place. The Hawaiian aesthetics and influence were a welcome change to the series, even if the wildlife was kinda weird. But is Alola really Hawaii?
Everything Can Kill You In 'Pokemon Sun And Moon'
There's another sandy, sunny island that Alola resembles, a little place down South where everything can kill you. From the oceans to the mountains, nowhere in both Alola and this other island is safe from the scourge of death. That's right, Alola is the Australia of the #Pokemon world.
Don't believe me? Just check out some of these horrifying Pokedex entries, starting with a little advertisement for the benefits of childhood obesity in the Drifloon entry.
"Stories go that it grabs the hands of small children and drags them away to the afterlife. It dislikes heavy children. If for some reason its body bursts, its soul spills out with a screaming sound."
Unfortunately, even fattening your kids up won't save them for long, as soon as Drifloon evolves, everyone's a target.
"There was once an incident in which a man took a trip riding a Drifblim, only to go missing."
All the ghost Pokemon in Alola are sort of horrifying. If they don't suck you down into a sandy grave while you're trying to sunbathe like Palossand.
"Buried beneath the castle are masses of dried-up bones from those whose vitality it has drained."
Then they're stealing your very soul when you take a hike up the mountains.
"The soul of a woman lost on a snowy mountain possessed an icicle, becoming this Pokémon. The food it most relishes is the souls of men."
Or turning up to your sunday outing at the park to cuss you out and give you a terrifying vision like Mismagius (which describes the average drunk Australian perfectly).
It appears as if from nowhere—muttering incantations, placing curses, and giving people terrifying visions.
So now we know to avoid the beaches and forests because they're filled with deadly soul-stealing ghosts. Well the forests aren't much better, they're full of bears that will hug you to death like Bewear.
"This Pokémon has the habit of hugging its companions. Many Trainers have left this world after their spines were squashed by its hug."
Or insects that will swallow you up in the night like Shiinotic.
"Forests where Shiinotic live are treacherous to enter at night. People confused by its strange lights can never find their way home again."
If the Shiinotic don't get you, prepared to be digested by a different bug, Vibrava.
"To help make its wings grow, it dissolves quantities of prey in its digestive juices and guzzles them down every day. "
Or if you try to hide in a cave, you might run into the path of destruction being wrought by Zygarde.
"This is Zygarde’s form when it has gathered 50% of its cells. It wipes out all those who oppose it, showing not a shred of mercy."
Even our old friend Raticate is deadly enough in Alola to claim a hand.
"Its disposition is far more violent than its looks would suggest. Don’t let your hand get too close to its face, as it could bite your hand clean off."
If you survive all that, then it's time for the zombie apocalypse, courtesy of the Ultra Beast Nihilego.
"One of several mysterious Ultra Beasts. People on the street report observing those infested by it suddenly becoming violent."
I guess the next Pokemon game is going to be a crossover with The Walking Dead, better celebrate those 20 years now, because the world's about to end by the looks of it.