Video game writing is a bit hit-and-miss—few among us would be willing to argue against that. We've come a long way with games like BioShock and The Last of Us but, at the same time, things are pretty familiar. It's not all bad though. Sometimes an unfortunate choice of words can bring some slimy humor to an otherwise straight-laced experience.
Fight To Keep Your Mind Out Of The Gutter With These Accidental Video Game Innuendos
Of course, it's hilarious when these dirty jokes land well. They're the sour that cuts through the garbage-y sweetness of bad writing. But, sometimes it's pretty clear that these moments were not intentional. You know because they disappear from remasters or get patched-out in an update. These are the ones that we live for.
So, I challenge you to keep it together while you make your way through these subtle whoppers:
1. 'Kingdom Hearts'
To be honest, the #KingdomHearts series is a goldmine for this stuff, but the best moment has to be when Sora finds out from Riku that his heart is linked with Kairi's.
Kairi... Kairi's inside me?
I mean... if that's how you want to describe it, then sure.
2. 'The Oregon Trail'
Does this moment sound familiar?
You're fording the river and the water's going too fast. If you don't tie your wagon down, you might lose all of your supplies! Would you like to use rope and chains?
Why yes, Oregon Trail, as a matter of fact I would.
Well, this one's not really about any lines in the game is it? It's all in the title, my friends. Just think about it!
Did you ever manage to beat OFF? Can you get OFF? Yeah.
4. 'Ni No Kuni'
Ni No Kuni features a scene where the protagonist, Oliver, is accused of childishly continuing to sleep with dolls.
Coincidentally, Oliver's Fairy Companion, Drippy, originally took the form of one of Oliver's favorite plush toys ahead of the game's start. Oliver was quite proud of the fact that he hadn't "slept with Mr. Drippy in more than a month".
Honestly the whole thing just sounds a bit moist—don't you think?
5. Monster Hunter
Now for a quick detour into the world of inappropriately named power-ups—welcome to the #MonsterHunter universe.
Go ahead and increase your stamina with some Hot Meat. Noice!
6. The Entire Resident Evil Series
You had to have seen this coming. There's a lot to work with when dealing with the Resident Evil series. While the innuendos are plentiful—many of them on purpose—not all of them seem to be intentional.
8. 'Spider-Man' (2000)
In this Spider-Man game, Mysterio may have the most dangerous nipples known to mankind. Sure, their placed a bit higher than you'd expect but—let's be real—there's no escaping this visual.
9. 'Beyond Good & Evil' (2003)
Beyond Good & Evil's Double H reminds us that he's a dependable but honest dude when you attempt to squeeze through a crack in the wall as Jade:
"Too tight for me! I'll cover your rear."
Everything you could want in a lover—I mean, adventure companion.
10. 'Demon's Souls'
I considered #DarkSoul's Maneater Mildred and Ceaseless Discharge before eventually settling on the subtle smut of Demon's Soul's but here we are!
One could argue that this one really depends on how you're feeling that day but this line from the Maiden usually sounds innuendo-y in some kind of way:
"Touch the demon inside me."
Different strokes for different folks, I guess. Unless lyrical ecstasy is your thing...
11. 'Devil May Cry 4' (2008)
Have you ever listened to Nero's battle theme in #DevilMayCry? I mean really listened to it? Then I guess you know about that first line already.
"The time has come and so have I."
Yeah, you really have to pull this one into the gutter to make it seem like more than what it is. But I think the fact that it's in a song and not just a poorly written line of dialogue makes it that much worse.
Gordon gets a bit of a warning ahead of a dangerous mission in the first of the beloved #HalfLife games:
"If you follow standard insertion procedure, everything should be fine."
Conveniently, this is the face I would make after saying that:
13. 'DJMAX' (2004)
Man, the DJMax videos were so incredible. Just watch one of my favorites—"Ready for Now" from Ruby Tuesday. Oh look, she's reviving him with a... kiss?
Believe it or not, this list was actually pretty difficult to compile. I bet you can think of ten different double-entendres from your favorite games in 5 minutes or less. But you might also agree that those were likely to be more intentional than not. Video games are just too dirty, everyone. No point in beating around the bush!
Hey, you were thinking it—I just said it. Yeah.
I'm admittedly a little tired of digital wiener jokes but I never get tired of this: