Last week we talked about some of the best legendary cards in Hearthstone: Whispers of the Old Gods. But while the Old Gods themselves are, frankly, terrifying, some of the cards in the expansion are... well... cute. N'Zoth? Terror incarnate. But Spawn of N'Zoth? Precious.
That got me thinking about just what the most adorable cards in Hearthstone are... and whether I could build a deck based around maximum adorableness.
I've seen some debate comparing Spawn of N'Zoth to Vilefin Inquisitor. Which is cuter? Which reigns supreme as the most adorable Whispers of the Old Gods card? My vote is for this little guy. He's tiny, with stubby little tentacles and big eyes, and while he does look kind of angry, it's a harmless kind of angry. I'd totally keep him as a pet.
As a Hearthstone card, he's not bad — but also not great. You're trading three mana for three damage essentially (assuming both Spawn and whichever minion it buffs survive long enough to do that damage), which is fair, but not putting you ahead of the curve. Still, he's not a bad choice for Deathrattle-focused decks or Zoo decks.
While murlocs can be pretty threatening — if you play World of Warcraft, you probably have bad memories of being overwhelmed by swarms of them — this little guy is just cute. The combination of his petite size and big eyes almost gives him the top spot for most adorable cards, but not quite.
But just as a card, the tiny Inquisitor can be tremendously powerful in the right deck: the dreaded Murloc Paladin. Because the Murloc Paladin counts on having as many murlocs as the board as possible, taking advantage of cards that buff murlocs, making your hero power summon murlocs has huge potential. If you have one (or, maybe, two) of these, build a Murloc Paladin. You can thank me later.
Even this card's flavor text thinks this murloc is adorable: "Hee hee! Look at his cute little feet." And, come on, it's a murloc in full armor riding a frog. Even if you don't agree on the cute factor, this guy has to make you crack a smile.
He's also a staple in the Murloc Paladin deck — before Whispers of the Old Gods brought us the Vilefin Inquisitor, Murloc Knight single-handedly invented Murloc Paladins.
I think we've established that murlocs, with their tiny bodies and huge eyes, are adorable. This card features six murlocs which makes it six times as adorable as the standard murloc card. And, okay, they're murlocs with knives which is a little scary, but they're pointing at your opponent, so that's completely fine.
Card-wise, this murloc melee is — you guessed it — another staple of the Murloc Paladin. Blizzard was apparently amused by the proliferation of Murloc Paladin decks after the Grand Tournament expansion, so Anyfin was added with the League of Explorers adventure and makes the deck even more viable.
I've already mentioned a lot of murlocs here, but Sir Finley (also from League of Explorers) is a murloc with a pith helmet and a monocle. That's hard to top.
As a card, you'll either love him or hate him. Classes that already have strong hero powers won't like him because you don't have an option to keep your current hero power. But if you have a deck that would benefit from a different kind of hero power, Sir Finley's your murloc — and you'll most commonly find him in shaman, rogue, and druid decks.
However, despite the fact that he's a murloc, he's not a great fit in Murloc Paladin, which is a deck that's well-tuned to the paladin hero power — especially once you have a Vilefin Inquisitor on the board.
Though Zerus does look somewhat similar to Spawn of N'Zoth, his eyes aren't nearly as big which cuts down on his adorable points significantly. And, unlike N'Zoth who looks angry but relatively harmless, Zerus looks like he's ready to bite at your ankles.
While they can certainly be fierce, dwarves and gnomes are inherently more adorable than other fantasy races because of their tiny size — so the Stablemaster has that going for her. Plus she has a pony. A unicorn pony. It's hard to beat.
Stablemaster isn't a bad card... but also isn't a standard card. Even with a decent four damage for three mana plus a nice battlecry, she shows up in less than 2% of hunter decks. In general, there are better fits — and with hunters' focus on beasts, she often doesn't fit.
See what I mean about gnomes? And beyond being adorable, this apprentice is incredibly helpful, with a one mana cost reduction for all of your spells. You'll find her in more than half of all mage decks — and she's a must-have for Tempo Mage to stay ahead of the curve.
Another gnome? Yes, another gnome. I admit, this mustachioed gentleman is somewhat less adorable, but he's just so tiny. With his determined expression and spiked shield, he's certainly fierce, but his size just makes you go "awwww."
This all minion buff makes him a good card for Zoo-style decks— or any kind of deck with a strong minion focus, which paladins do very well. And, of course, it could neatly slot into Secrets Paladin, too.
While the jouster himself is very middle-of-the-road in adorability rating, the turtle he's riding is off the charts. Not only does it have the huge eyes that are the trademark of all things cute, he's smiling.
He's not a bad card, either: a five mana cost 5/5 is respectable in and of itself, and his heal can be a huge help at pulling you ahead in the mid-game.
I'm not sure he's quite adorable, but he's certainly ridiculous. While you're used to seeing rogues in all black armor — all the better for sneaking through the shadows — this burglar is decked out in a red cloak, red gloves, and red gaiters. But even though he's not very stealthy, he's made a getaway with a grin. Shine on, little rogue, shine on.
For a card, he's your regular gamble (but at least it's less of a gamble than Yogg-Saron). You're paying three mana for two cards from your opponent's class. They could be great cards or they could be terrible cards.
This baby bot is hands-down the most adorable mech in the game — far cuter than his big brother Psych-o-Tron. The combination of an oversized flashing light and sirening trumpets for arms with tiny eyes and feet make him both comical and cute.
Sadly, you won't see this little guy in many decks because he really is a gamble. While playing him could put your Archmage Antonidas into play on turn four it could just as easily put a Wisp on the board. Personally, I can think of better uses for three mana.
So which deck would you build to make the most use of this crazy collection of cards? While there's nothing that can put all of these cards together (until Hearthstone adds a mage/hunter/rogue/paladin hybrid class), Murloc Paladin can pack a lot of these cute but deadly creatures into a competitive deck — if you want to kill 'em with cuteness, give it a try.
Have your own crazy cute deck that could stand up to the competition? Tell us all about it in the comments!