The double life of a gamer is one of greatness and invisibility; in the one world we are superheroes, soldiers or even race car drivers and in the other, we are bus drivers, shop assistants and some of us are even writers. Our worlds differ greatly but we live and breathe them both just the same.
We all love playing different kinds of games - that’s what makes us individual – we all have different playstyles, tactics and genres but there are some things that all us gamers share, a few utterly bizarre traits that unite us as one.
What? You thought that you were the only one that did that? Oh, no, we all do it – because, we are all gamers. Unite in the ridiculous gaming fans - from the inevitable racing game lean to the erroneous sick note to work on release day.
Here are some of the most embarrassing real world habits that make gaming and gamers, so very special!
19. Spoilt for choice – choose none
On the occasional rainy day indoors the choice of what game to play can be somewhat of a challenge within itself. Many times I have found myself sitting staring at my collection and not having the slightest clue what I want to play.
It is on these rare occasions I decide that it is probably a good idea to organise my gaming collection – stare for an hour end up choosing none. It is also the times when I realise that I am missing a disk from a case or two and end up saying out loud in the most sarcastic tone imaginable (even though I am the only one in the house) “Oh, it’s a good job I didn’t want to play that isn’t it!?”
18. Thought about a game you are stuck on during sex
Is anyone else a major in game hoarder? Take Fallout 4 for example, I have more junk than I do bullets yet I can’t seem to throw anything away just in case I might need something. I haven’t needed it in the 200 hours I have played so far but you can guarantee that the moment I drop it, I will need it.
16. Been playing a game completely naked and then suddenly thinking, shit is my Kinect on?!
15. The gamer lean
Admit it, you do it! The inevitable lean that seems to naturally occur whenever a racing game is played on a console. The first two turns are usually fine but as the race goes on the leans get more and more severe to the point that you end up playing from the sofa lying on your side.
14. Rage quit
“I f****** hate this game!” Five minutes later “Man, I love this game!”. We all have our favourite games and we all get passionate about them – for me its Call of Duty, a game that I believe I am pretty good at. In Call of Duty for example this rage can come in the form of shooting first and still dying first – this is usually followed by open mouth expression and the sarcastic “ Oh, yea, sure!?”.
Or, we look at a game like Dark Souls and that widely appreciated feeling of overwhelming disappear as you die in the same spot over and over again. All of these above situations and many, many others have at one point or another caused us all to rage quit.
13. Tried to pull in World of Warcraft
12. Playing by the rules
Anyone else ever played GTA but tried to play by the rules? Stopping at red lights, driving on the correct side of the road? Yup, I am that guy. And, I know for a fact that you have tried it too – whether you have a driving test coming up or just want to see if the game system works, I know you have tried it.
Turns out it was not a good idea to use GTA as a driving test aid – apparently you do not get let out of jail the next morning…
11. Talked shit to another player but didn’t realise your game chat was on… Followed rapidly by server swap.
10. Taking the Wii really seriously
Usually alone but this can occur in groups (very weird when it does). That time when you really take the completive element seriously. Imaging that you are in the Olympics, representing your country. Don the sweat band, even do the stretches.
Watching somebody play an actual real world activity that they think they are good at and watching them fail miserably at it on the Wii is golden.
9. The desecration of the corpse
For those times when you really could not beat that big boss – and then you do! That feeling of total illation and joy and the first thing you do is just slash the f*** out of that corpse – you just go to town emptying clips into the once so menacing bad guy. This is usually accompanied by high pitch screams to the sound of “not so tough now are you!”.
8. Played Sims for the sole purpose of making them have sex
7. The tea-bag
Not the most ethical of manoeuvres but boy does it feel good to bag someone sometimes. Especially your nemesis in one of the shooting games – or even more so when you get bagged for no reason and your entire game turns into hunting for that tea-bagger. The joy of finding, killing and excessively tea-bagging a tea-bagger is the thing of legends!
6. The crotch shot
You can admit it, whether you are male or female we have all, at one stage or another, been playing a fighting game and happened to gaze excessively at a character's crotch. Dead or Alive, Tekken , it’s all good, these characters are meant to be appealing – I am not saying that it happen all the time just occasionally you get a glimpse of something and you're like “nice”, and then you move on with your life.
5. Bolstering game score with terrible games
Yea I am a pro gamer, check out my game score and accolade collections for Dark Souls, Metal Gear and… Toast simulator? Erm, you weren’t meant to see that last one!
4. Tried to see inside the car when you picked up a prostitute in GTA
Crying uncontrollably after either finishing your favourite game or when a beloved character is killed off. Final Fantasy did it for me, dam!
2. Picked a battle you could not win
That time that overconfidence and a new loadout got you beat down. You know when you have a good couple of rounds in an online multiplayer game and you start to think that you are one of those unrecognised players that should be a pro?
What follows next is the inevitable prestige challenge – oi, you, prestige douche! You want a piece of me? Two minutes later you have left the lobby, are sobbing like a baby and have thrown your controller out the window.