Let's not beat around the bush, this post is about Pokemon erotica. You know this, I know this, and erotica satire author Chuck Tingle knows this. You're the one who actually clicked on this post, and I'm the poor soul that bought and read Pokemon GO smut. What have our lives come to?
Yup, the erotic ebook Pokebutt GO: Pounded By 'Em All is a real thing.
Warning: First of all, Pokebutt GO and all of Chuck Tingle's work is satire. Second, yes, this post is about erotica so it's probably NSFW unless you have a really cool boss. Preview excerpts are about halfway down the page.
If you don't know who Chuck Tingle PhD is, you're in for a treat. A bizarre treat.
Whenever a large, trending cultural event happens, Chuck Tingle arrives on the scene armed with a new erotica parody book full of dinosaurs, bigfoots, butts - and now Pokemon. Chuck has been writing satirical smut since February, 2015, and has since published 83 erotic novels. You might know of him from his run-in with GamerGate and the aggressive sci-fi group "Rabid Puppies" from earlier this year. He's a bit of an internet legend.
This is Chuck's author biography on his Amazon page:
"Hugo Award nominee Dr. Chuck Tingle is an erotic author and Tae Kwon Do grandmaster (almost black belt) from Billings, Montana. After receiving his PhD at DeVry University in holistic massage, Chuck found himself fascinated by all things sensual, leading to his creation of the "tingler", a story so blissfully erotic that it cannot be experienced without eliciting a sharp tingle down the spine."
And yes, his book Space Raptor Butt Invasion was indeed nominated for a Hugo award as a gag. Naturally, Chuck wrote a follow up entitled Slammed in the Butt by My Hugo Award Nomination. That's just how Dr. Chuck Tingle rolls.
Each erotic novella is usually only a few pages long and put up for digital sale on Amazon Kindle for a buck or three. Pokebutt GO set me back $2.99 for 4000 words of fantastically cringeworthy Pokemon GO erotica.
In case you weren't sure if Chuck Tingle's work was parody, here are some of his other recent masterpieces. All of the following are real ebooks you can read right now.
Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt
Buttception: A Butt Within A Butt Within A Butt
Living Inside My Own Butt For Eight Years, Starting A Business And Turning A Profit Through Common Sense Reinvestment And Strategic Targeted Marketing
Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union
Slammed By The Substantial Amount Of Press Generated By My Book "Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union"
Oh, and the book covers are amazing.
Honestly, I pretty much just wrote 400 words of buffer about Dr. Tingle to give all the kiddos plenty of time to click back, to get off this article before we dive in. Skidaddle, ya kids! Well, that, and I half wanted to put this off as long as I could.
OK. It's time. Let's see excerpts from erotic masterpiece Pokebutt GO: Pounded By 'Em All
Below are some of the tamer highlights from Pokebutt GO. I've out left the most salacious and descriptive bits - you'll have to pay the premium price of $2.99 to the good doctor for the real, dirty trainer-on-Pokebutt smut. This is only a quick introduction to the world of Chuck Tingle.
Here's our hero, Torbit Orto, being introduced to this new game by a passerby
“Playing Pokebutt Go!” he exclaims, his words smothered with a hint of confusion. “You don’t play Pokebutt Go?” “I don’t know what that is,” I tell him. “Is that a game?” “It’s a way of life!” the man counters. “There’s a Buttmander somewhere in this park and I need to get pounded by it!” “Get pounded by it?” I question. “In the butt!” the man yells, then suddenly smiles wide as his screen lights up with an icon of some sort. “I’m back in! There’s Buttmander!”The game explains how to play
First encounter with a wild Pokebutt
“Follow the map to find your first Pokebutt, then capture it with your balls,” explains the game.
The Pokebutt creature appears to be some kind of yellow haired bigfoot with a tail in the shape of a zig-zag lighting bolt.
We'll fast forward past the 'premium' content (it's pretty graphic) and skip to a later encounter.
“I’m Peebaroo,” the yellow bigfoot tells me. He takes my hand in his and gives it a firm shake, immediately sending an erotic chill up my spine. There is power in his touch, and incredible untamed beauty that shows me this beast is truly one with the wild.
Just an hour after downloading the game, our hero is hooked
“A new Pokebutt has entered your area,” the voice informs me. The screen immediately displays the view of my front facing camera, allowing me to search around the park for any signs of this new creature. It’s dark out, so I don’t see anything at first, but after a good bit of searching I finally spot the legs of a large T-Rex standing next to a bush at the other side of the park. The massive prehistoric creature’s back is covered in muscular butts. “Buttbasaur,” Peebaroo informs me.
Peebaroo nods. “It’s going to take the skill of a talented Pokebutt master, and the help of his trusty sidekick.” I smile, filled with a loving warmth that I would have never expected to know just hours earlier.
Hopefully this gives you enough of a taste to decide if you want to check out Dr. Tingle's Pokebutt GO - there are loads of gems to be found in this satirical masterpiece. This quick preview only scratches the surface.
If this is the kind of humor that tickles (tingles?) your fancy, definitely keep an eye on Chuck Tingle's Twitter account for updates and new books.