Look, Pokemon Go, I get it.
You're part of a franchise inspired by anime. You're a product of a genre that loves pointless clothing and flamboyant accessories. You need to look really fly while chasing rare Pokemon, sure.
I've seen a lot of anime, but I always have struggled to comprehend the need for so many zippers. I don't get all the unused goggles, the strangely-fansionable-but-inexplicably-asymmetrical armor, and the pointless belts. Dear god, the pointless belts.
Yeah, I'm looking at you, Blanche. You and your belt.
I'm something of an evangelist of Pokemon Go. I love, really love, creative augmented reality games that get us out into the world to play. I played the crap out of Ingress. I've taken dates on geocaching adventures. I'm one of the proud, cult few who have actually been letterboxing. Pokemon Go is my jam, ya dig?
I'm Team Mystic, through and through. I'm a huge fan of the Team Leaders. I love the personalities and the fan art that immediately sprung to life for Pokemon Go's new celebrity trainers. That makes this all the more painful for me.
So, here's my open letter:
Please, Blanche. Belt it or don't wear a belt. This belt limbo is getting out of hand. I know belts are really "in" this season. A lot of very hip people wear very hip belts. I know belts look cool! I'm aware. But that belt is doing nothing and you know it. It's barely functional for that narrow of a jacket, it's getting in the way, and the 50 Rattata's you caught yesterday keep trying to eat it. Get your life together. Belt it or don't wear a belt. Your coat will look glorious either way, trust me.
Hugs and kisses,
P.S. Even Spark thinks you need to get this belt purgatory situation sorted out. Yeah, Spark - and he's basically the Buster Bluth of Pokemon Go.