Despite how much I may have loved the Pokémon franchise when I was younger, as I got taller I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something a little off with the act of catching 'em all.
Young humans setting out on jaunts around the world to catch innocent animals to train to become vicious fighters? That was the basic premise of Pokémon? If this happened in real life, imagine the uproar from animal rights groups and animal lovers! Also, imagine taking your dog for a walk, then someone wearing a baseball cap pops out from behind a bush, dashes a Pokéball at Rufus, catches him and then sprints off into the night?!
I wouldn't be too pleased if I was Rufus' owner. But hey, gotta catch 'em all, right?!
But before I get too distracted by all of the mad stuff that would happen everyday if Pokémon trainers existed IRL, I'm here to tell you about a pretty rough fan theory that I found lingering around within the halls of Reddit.
We're The Ones Who Knock
Reddit user rejectsuperstar's theory posits that all the proud members of Teams Instinct, Valor and Mystic are, each of us, antagonists, because – and this is a fair point – when has there ever been a heroic team in Pokémon besides Misty, Ash & Brock? And they are... well... more of a rag-tag trio than anything else.
The fascistic Team Rocket weren't exactly a glowing example of Pokémon rights now, were they? With their ethos of kidnapping rare and powerful Pokémon and then selling them for a profit, desecrating any sacred ground they step foot on along the way. And there's the added fun time bonus of them conducting cruel experiments on our lil pocket brawlers. What a bonafide bunch of bastards.
But, the most worrying aspect is Team Rocket's ethos sounds exactly like Pokémon GO's. Catch rare and powerful Pokémon, and any that don't fit the bill get carted off to Professor Willow's house of horrendous happenings, where who knows what horrors will befall the unnecessary 'mons. Which leads me into my next point.
Where Does Candy Come From?
Another thing I've been thinking about is what happens to the excess 'mons delivered back to the magnanimous Professor Willow. Where do they go, and why does he always have the corresponding candy happily laying about once he receives said mons? You don't think he... kills those Pokémon and then turns their remains into a nutritious, level-boosting treat, do you? These two redditors do:
Holy shit that's dark! And totally viable too. Unless Willow simply logs the 'mon and then releases it back into its natural habitat, which would be lovely. But I don't trust him. Not one bit.
Think about it: We've all been so busy dividing, conquering and fighting each other – be it for Valor, Mystic or Instinct – that we haven't stopped to consider the possibility we all might be helping Pokemon-trapping teams accomplish their sinister goals. I say throw off your political affiliations and let every Bug Catcher, Blackbelt and Super Nerd represent themselves, free and independently!
Whenever we attempt to unite all peoples within our nation and protect the world from devastation, it always seems to go up in smoke...
What do you think? How does it feel to, possibly, be the villain of Pokémon GO?