Mario and Sonic are back for their third Summer Olympic Games title. Since the Beijing Games in 2008, they've been invading the Wii U and DS with their Olympic dreams — and some not-so-Olympic Nintendo-verse athletics.
Y'see, every four years, Nintendo throws some non-Olympic sports into these games, likely in a bid to take advantage of technology that already exists. For example, this year American football was included.
But I think some lesser-known Olympic sports could use more attention. And what better way to accomplish this than having the likes of Donkey Kong compete in athletics?
1. Field Hockey
It's like polo. But without the horses. Or the British accents. I'm thinking they can do a variation on Mario Kart. Without the karts. Or the track. But you still get to shoot at your opponent when you get power-ups, because that's the best part of Mario Kart!
You know this would be totally fun with some sort of Wii U nunchuck integration — if you don't slip and crack your head on the floor. Mario's quite the jumper, so he'd be an easy pick for this game, though I might have to go for Wario just for the laughs.
3. Canoe Slalom
So, medaling in the don't drown competition may be harder than it looks. This is basically Mario Kart: Double Dash!! already. Maybe we could add some extra Nintendo characters, including Magikarp. What? Magikarp isn't an Olympian this year? Get with it, people, it's the year of Pokémon GO. Which naturally leads me to...
4. Race Walking
Race walking is to running what slap fighting is to boxing. I don't think that Sonic would really be able to hold himself back on this one. It would be the ultimate test of his will to not speed off past the standard brisk walking pace. Oh, the pressure!
This isn't just about dressing up the horses all pretty like, but about complicated steps, trots and routines. This may actually take skill on the part of the player, and not just taping the nunchuck to the ceiling fan to take a snack break. Best of all, there aren't separate divisions for men's and women's medaling.
This is a fancy term for obstacle course and is classic Nintendo. Though I joked earlier about Mario Kart without the cart, that's exactly what this would be. Jump hurdles, fences, barriers and water pits in a race against the clock. May the best Princess Peach win.
While golf isn't exactly an obscure sport, it's had a spotty history with the Olympics. It was in and then removed for awhile and came back in 2016. Of course, it's perfect for the Wii U and DS and already part of Nintendo's core gaming set. I can already see Kong and Yoshi in golfing hats and knickerbockers on the medal stand.
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